We are kind when we are friendly, helpful, generous, understanding, forgiving, and considerate. Kindness is good for everyone. You give others both what they need and deserve. People feel good about you when you are kind. As you put out good, good comes back to you. Apart from the love that comes back to you, it just feels good to be kind. Kindness is easy when we are feeling open hearted. Kindness can be difficult when we don’t feel like being kind, such as when we are threa

Not everyone has the experience of a loving transcendent being at work in their lives. An estimated 488 million people, for example, practice Buddhism, a religion that does not include the idea of a God. Many reject the 12 step fellowships because of the references to God, even though Bill W. himself emphasized that membership in AA does not require a belief in God, just a sincere desire to not drink. The 12 step fellowships are spiritual, not religious, recovery programs. Ev

Relapse starts before addicting. It starts with allowing the conditions for addiction to arise by living unskillfully or ineffectively managing the inevitable pain of life. You “BUTA.”—Build Up to Addict. People lapse every day. They experience unhelpful experiences, thoughts, and actions. No one lives life perfectly. We make mistakes. Things happen, often beyond our control. You will experience pain. Often relapse starts with feeling bad, even before addict thoughts arise. O

In previous blogs, I’ve discuss mindful management of cravings and talking out cravings. There are other ways to manage cravings when they arise. Here are just a few: When you get cravings, STOP, PAUSE, BREATHE, and THINK through the consequences of using. What will happen? How will you feel? Make a gratitude list. Carry it in your wallet or purse. When you get a craving, pull out your gratitude list and reflect on what you will lose if you act on your cravings. Go to in-pers

Perhaps the most important craving management skill people need to develop in early recovery is to resolve a craving by “talking it out.” Many people become lost in their addiction before asking for help. They never pick up the phone. Learning to use your attachments to those who care for you to manage cravings is one of the ultimate achievements of recovery. To ask for help, you have to have a healthy network of recovery supports—people who can help you manage your cravings.

Everyone gets cravings. Cravings are not good or bad. They are just cravings. What makes them good or bad is how we respond to them. Successful living requires that we take action to resist acting on cravings if they are going to be harmful to us or others. The next few blogs will focus on the many effective craving management techniques available to you to help you in your recovery. You will want to develop, with practice, a suite of craving management techniques that work f

Negative emotional states (negativity) such as worry, anger, fear, hopelessness, loneliness, self-pity, self-hatred, envy, or boredom can trigger cravings and relapses. This is why you need to learn to manage negativity to stay in recovery. Most people focus more on the negative than the positive, creating “dis-ease” and thus the conditions for relapse. Identify negativity when it arises and do something about it. Techniques to counter negativity include: Label thoughts and

For most, recovery from addiction requires help from others, medications, or other resources. For some, religious beliefs and spirituality play an important role in their recovery. These are all part of a “Higher Power,” the term used by the 12-step fellowship. Your Higher Power does not have to be religious or spiritual… just whatever helps to keep you thriving in your recovery. To the degree you need help, you are “powerless” over your addiction. That does not mean, however

For many, the mainstay of recovery is meetings. Meetings provide support, inspiration and guidance. They have rescued the lives of millions of victims of addiction. Yet some resist meetings. They may feel anxious or ashamed. They may have trouble making connections to others. They may mistakenly feel they are not like “those people,” or that they don’t need meetings to recover. While some don’t need meetings, most do. I encourage people to try meetings for at least three mont