Many people with addictions—and many people in general—have a part of themselves that wants to feel good and a part of themselves that does not like themselves. Trauma can make us feel we need and deserve to suffer because we are bad. Because of this ambivalence between the desire to feel good vs. to suffer, addictions provide the perfect solution. We can feel good now and destroy our lives at the same time, serving both sides of our conflict. Authentic recovery from addictio

Many people have difficulty with the concept of powerlessness. By definition, addiction involves powerlessness over compulsions and cravings such that we behave destructively. It is true that we are powerless to do what is right when taken over by an addiction. Most of us are not powerless, however, to ask for help. The other difficulty with the term “powerlessness” involves the question of whether we can heal from an addiction entirely on our own, without outside help. It is

Addictions are some of the most common psychiatric illnesses, on par with depression and anxiety. As mental illnesses, they are indeed generally lifelong diseases, like diabetes, that for the most part can be treated and managed, but not cured. Just as having diabetes does not make us “bad” or “defective,” so it is that addictions do not make us “bad” or “defective,” though we do “bad” things when we are caught in the throes of the illness. Some people think of addiction as a

We need each other to get by. From the day we are born to the day we die, we depend on each other for our survival and well-being. Yet we must also take care of ourselves, as we are each ultimately responsible for our own lives. The life puzzle each of us must solve is how to be both autonomous and interdependent, for healthy intimacy requires both. Achieving autonomous interdependence requires that we first get healthy and whole. We renounce all addictions and work on repair

“Addictivity” refers to being in the process of addiction. “Addiction” includes any compulsive habit intended to make us feel better that in the end makes things worse. Most of us are addicts to some degree. Most of us have experienced compulsive aversion and desire without a sense of freedom to do what is best for everyone. Addictions lie on wide spectrums of types and severity. Addictions are “solutions that almost work,” that in the end make things worse. In every instance

Personal growth and recovery do not happen by accident, but as a byproduct of intentional living. A life of recovery is a life that is lived on purpose, mindful of our moment-to-moment intentions. Growth occurs by making a conscious commitment to living for a higher purpose in harmony with Reality. As humans we have spiritual needs for meaning, purpose, and the sense of being a part something greater than ourselves. We do not live merely to exist and have a series of pleasura

Many people talk about recovery without a clear picture of recovery. Certainly it entails abstinence from addiction. Yet recovery is much, much more than this. Recovery is a way of being, seeing, and doing so as to bring joy and fulfillment to our lives. Some people at AA and NA meetings talk about being in recovery even as they go out during the break to destroy their precious lives with their severe and active nicotine addictions. These people may even look down on someone

With the right attitude and skillful action, work can be a great source of joy. Since most of us spend the majority of our waking lives working, work becomes the primary opportunity for putting our spirituality into action. In healthy recovery, we each have a drive to contribute. Contributing brings fulfillment, as it is a form of love. At work, contributing is our primary agenda, whether it be by serving others or creating something. We need to be intentional about making wo

Healthy relationships require that we connect with respect. There are many reasons for this, the most important being that all living beings deserve our utmost unconditional respect. Another reason is because we need each other. If we hurt each other, we hurt ourselves in the end, for others put up walls to protect themselves from us and may even retaliate to hurt us back. We lose healthy connection with others when we do not treat others with respect. When we put out hurt, h