One of the ways that we harm ourselves and others is by judging. Judging is an instinctive but unhelpful mental habit that poisons our capacity to love. When we do not love, we and others suffer. Judging comes in several flavors. One is when you judge a situation as good or bad. We automatically judge things as bad whey they are painful. If we lose our job or our spouse leaves us, we judge these as bad situations. But just because a situation is painful does not necessarily m

Frustration, resentments, regrets, fear, and negativity poison our well-being. Learn to let go to prevent unnecessary suffering. How do you let go? First see the cost of wanting to change what cannot be changed. See your suffering from grasping. Notice that grasping is like holding on to a red-hot iron rod that sears your skin. Your pain tells you that you are not in alignment with Reality. You may feel hurt, fear, disappointment, and even anger toward others who don’t do wha

Addiction starts and ends with a lack of self-love. Why would we destroy ourselves if there was not a part of ourselves that did not love us? Recovery starts and ends with self-love. If we truly loved ourselves completely, would we do anything to harm ourselves? The healing of recovery thus includes a transition from self-hatred to self-love. Many of us are hard on ourselves, even cruel to ourselves. Many of us hate ourselves down deep. This is especially true if we grew up w

I tend not to use the word “Relapse” anymore because it implies that readdicting is an all-or-nothing phenomenon. In reality, people return to addicting to varying degrees. It is more realistic to speak of a recurrence of addicting, or “readdicting.” The BUTA process (Building up to Addict) generally starts long before the sufferer actually physically addicts. There is an emotional stage, generally followed by a mental phase, followed finally by actual physical readdiction. E

Refuge recovery is a Buddhist approach to recovery following the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism 1. Life involves suffering. 2. Suffering is due cravings. Or rather to our addiction to satisfying cravings for pleasure and cravings to avoid pain. 3. There is a solution; get unhooked from cravings. 4. The way to get unhooked from cravings is to follow the Noble 8-fold path. In Refuge Recovery, the Four Truths are recast as: 1. “We suffer due to our addictions and the general diff

What is SMART Recovery?SMART (Self Management And Recovery Training) Recovery is a self-empowering addiction mutual help program. It is the most widely available of the non-12-step group. It has about 1,000 weekly meetings in the U.S., and about 2,000 worldwide. SMART Recovery addresses both substance and behavioral addictions. Instead of emphasizing helplessness and the need for a Higher Power, SMART Recovery focuses on helping participants develop their capacities to manage

Total Recovery is something we hopefully work to achieve and maintain our entire lives. When you are in Total Recovery, you are: 1. Not addicting in any way. You have realized the ideal of not hurting yourself or anyone else through engaging in compulsive, destructive behaviors (addictions). 2. You are working to heal and repair of your life. 3. You are realizing your full potentials and experiencing fulfillment. Many victims of addiction are in partial recovery. This is good

We live in a Universe of paradox and polarities, conflicts and contradictions: • Light vs. dark • Good vs. evil • Creation vs. destruction • Life vs. death • Order vs. chaos The same is true for us, both within ourselves and with others. We all live with tensions between polarities. Here are just a few: • Gratification vs. abstinence, or indulgence vs. self-denial • Me vs. we • Interdependence vs. autonomy • Hatred vs. Love • Acceptance vs. nonacceptance • Action vs. Inaction

We all like to feel special. When someone NEEDS to feel special to feel good, then needing to feel special becomes an addiction, in a misguided effort to treat the pain of a lack of self-worth. This psychological need develops in genetically-vulnerable children who did not receive responsive and secure nurturing when they were in pain growing up. This somehow damages the brain. The experience of not being connected to others, valued, validated and cared for despite our imperf