What is empathy? Empathy is understanding the experience of someone else. This includes understanding another person’s feelings and thoughts. Affective empathy refers to when we actually feel what someone else is feeling. Cognitive empathy is when we intellectually understand what someone else is feeling and thinking. When we are empathic, we know what it feels like to be in another person’s shoes. Is empathy beneficial? Empathy is good for everyone. Empathy guides us as to h

What is compassion? Compassion is an action we take to relieve suffering. It can be towards ourselves, as in self-compassion, or towards others. It can be as simple as telling someone, “I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time,” or just being with someone in their pain so that they are not hurting alone. Why practice compassion? Because compassion is as good for us as it is for others. Compassion enhances happiness, self-esteem, and the fulfilment of meaningful connec

Growth is a process of learning to live more skillfully. This requires practice. We become masters of any skill with about 10,000 hours of practice. So, to become masters at the art of living requires many hours of practice over a lifetime. But what do we practice? The answer is that we engage in the practice of love. Recovery is the practice of love. Love for ourselves, love for others, and love for Life. Why practice love? The practice of love is good for us. Love helps us

Judging ourselves or others for who we are blocks the flow of love and forgiveness. We have no right to judge others, just as others have no right to judge us. Everyone experiences negative emotions and thoughts and behaves unskillfully. While we may judge another’s actions as being destructive or unskillful, that is far different from judging who they are. You may pass judgment on the sin, but not the sinner. That is off limits. Instead, hold others accountable for their act

In my previous blog I discussed self-forgiveness. Just as we should cultivate forgiveness for ourselves, so should we cultivate forgiveness for others. Why? Because resentments poison us. They make us spiritually ill. There is a saying that “hatred destroys the hater.” When you forgive someone, you give yourself the gift of peace. Forgiveness eases our suffering, which then has a positive impact on everyone around us. Forgiveness, however, is not a voluntary act. We cannot de

Many of us lack a sense of peace due to a lack of self-forgiveness. Lack of self-forgiveness can haunt us. Do you cringe when memories surface of mistakes you have made and people you have harmed? It is painful. It brings on feelings of both guilt and shame that can lead right back to addicting or depression. We know we should forgive ourselves, yet feelings of being fundamentally flawed and unworthy often persist even though we know we “shouldn’t” feel this way. If we look c

It seems that in addiction, recovery, and life, good things often come in 12s. First there were the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, Allen Berger, Ph.D. has come up with 4 gems that all contain dozens of benefits for those in recovery from addiction. They are; “12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery” “12 More Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery” “12 Smart Things to do When Booze and Drugs are Gone” “12 Hidden Rewards of Making Amends” Dr. Berger writes in a clear and en

During early recovery, the primary focus is on renunciation, though people also begin the integration and repair process and at least think about their personal growth and spirituality. For some, renunciation gets a bad rap. People think of it as deprivation. This could not be further from the truth. Rather than depriving yourself of anything, renunciation is a gift you give yourself. In fact, you get something great in return. It is the act of liberating yourself from compul

Change can be difficult. We all have habitual ways of being and behaving that can be unskillful and cause suffering. Sometimes we feel helpless as we ride the roller coaster of our thoughts, feelings, impulses and compulsive behaviors. The good news is that change is possible—with patient, persistent practice of the three things that are within our control. These three things are of Attention , Attitude , and Intention . Attention While we have little control over the thought